in all my unhappiness

i used to write sad little lonely stuff in a notebook of mine..things i tot were poetic..thots i found expressive..trying to be cool..trying to be 'deep'..these things keep resurfacing whenever i feel sad and alone.. well..dunno what's gotten into me..seems super emotional.. just so frustrated..questioning love... it's weird..i alwiz have this eternal struggle with equality.. if 2 persons are in love.. one makes one angry by not doin sth... sth simple.. who loves who less? if you're A and you didnt do tt sth B asks for..do u love B? if you're B and A didnt do wad you asked for cos of personal reasons..can you get angry with A? if you do, does it make u less underastding? does it mean you love A less? dunno if anyone can get the gibberish not..

i'm just so frustrated..so angry..so grumpy..need to be alone but dun wanna be alone.. wanna think think think but so tired of having to think rationally..is this the trying period? so many whys to ask..so many things to get angry about..just so angry..with myself and with everyone..simply disappointed in us..

stop crying grace cos tears nv did make anything better..tears just evokes sympathy..you're not asking for sympathy..tears are just so useless so powerless..what's there to cry for?

my brain's screaming screaming screaming.. why is there this ache deep in my heart..why is there this odd feeling of despair..why am i so troubled..what is the source? is it u? is it just me? is it even anyone's fault?

guess i ran out of steam..am i just being a drama queen? i have got to be the toughest cookie to live with..someone shld just eat me up

strange

strange how easy it is to say beautiful things at beutiful times.. but once the beautiful times fade...the words crumble to ashes..you see everything in its clearest sense..you see all things...

strange how easy it is to believe in beautiful things at beautiful times only to feel like a fool when those moments fade..strange how u noe..promises can never be made/hold true..but strange how u still believe..

really wondering about life..wondering about the future again..cynic at the age of 22? doubting the world, doubting every good thing tt might/may happen at this age? is there anyone/anything to blame? or are we all just jaded by experiences..have alwiz wanted my life to be full of experiences.. to be able to live..to be able to feel ALIVE...to be able to have a taste of the world..to be able to experience all there is..but the cynicism kicks in.. without resources (money etc), with restraints (job, family..etc), how can we do tt? is it worth all the trouble? so wad if i've experienced it all? *sigh*

feeling kinda down..oh wellz..

on a rampage

eyes so small i can hardly open..head so big but info cant get in.. feel so cranky n crabby n hostile..highly strung..m gonna scream if u touch me..need office wear for fyp presentation this sat..need office wear for interview... m really pissed... need to register for anger mgmt classes liao..hear me roar!

happy bad mood day <---- oxymoron

feel random bad mood tots flashing by..just gonna type them as they go..in all their randomness, u might find a storyline..ah wellz..

i want u to want to do the dishes----The Breakup...nv been more well put..

teethbrushing with a vengence...if u saw the way i brush my teeth, u would agree with me...once a day is enough..

my worst enemey is myself...actually it's my temper...and then my moods...and my bad habits...but hey, they make up..Me!

i'm the wittiest when i'm angry...i will shoot u back ten thousand times...and ten more thousand times over, just for tt extra kick..if u piss me off...

blog titles and slogans just roll past my head if i'm angry...like really..i can almost see the words forming...oooh...spooky..

i hate to hurt/ anger the ppl i love..yet i noe they're the ones who take it the best..or rather..they'll get pissed too but the bounce right back..

my shoulder hurts..my fingers feels odd..is it the anger? or is it real pain?

feeling the pressure of time..feeling the dead ends of deadlines..feeling angsty..

wonder if i need anger mgmt..feel like breaking things/screaming when i'm in one of my moods..the urges get stronger n stronger... m angry...am frustrated...wonder where's the source...

definitely not pms...tell me where's the source...

crying out for attention? hungry hungry for attention..so...wad will i do with all the attention? i don't noe..

noe for sure i'm kooky...i'm sure u'll noe it too after reading all the bits of random yet not so random bursts of frustrations..just so angry when the weather's hot..

out of steam...

System Going Into Major Meltdown

simply dunno wad to say. turmoil gg on inside of me. like to help but simply dunno how. sense ur insecurities but i have mine too. know it's time to grow up, be responsible, be ur pillar of support. but tell me how. tell me y m i the only one? said tt u're sorry to drag me in. sorry to burden me. i feel as bad as u. but i'm slightly better. i get to be busy. cant stop the tears. no one to hear. the angst, the pain, the fear. mood swings like crazy. just like urs. at a loss. just like u. close the door! lock the room! throw away the key! let me hole up n hide. hide in the safety of my own shadow. flimsy little shield. hold very still. if i pretend all's well, does it become my reality? sleep comes easy. especially if u're sleeping to escape. sleeping to run away to dreamland. sleeping to wake up and face a busy school day.
meltdown initiated..5...4...3...2...1...*boom!*