sat's are good days to blog

hmm...i realised tt i'd be pondering and wondering most of my saturday nights..haha..i'm bored..just waiting for ppl to finish their exams so they can entertain me..haha...

anyway i'm perturbed by sth. i just wonder whether i'm being objective or biased in tt matter..sometimes things just come to a point whereby i just give up on tt frenship.but ther strange thing is one of the frenships i've given up on...is suddenly just 'revived'. but due to all the past hurts, i'm just unsure of how to continue the frenship? to trust totally like i once had or to be cautious and careful with all my words?it's a strange feeling to be tt way..it's a strange feeling really..like i'm really unsure as much as i wanna be frens again.. rraahhh...

once again... i start to wonder abt my frenships..tt makes me feel blue most of the time..wish life was simple like before..like in sec sch or in jc..where frens were my everything..i had so much fun..was so carefree den..i miss ade..i miss dajie,erjie,dage..i miss those times where we first met each other..hahaha...

i rmb i laughed at dage..tot he was a giant..but was v funny when i couldnt catch his name and also tot it was kinda funny when such a big guy played the trumpet..hahah..i rmb us gg crazy over dage's huge jacket..hahah...i rmb drawing 'big brother is watching' on most of the tables in sch..sometimes i'd just sit on one of my old tables and find my old drawing and i'd be v happy..i rmb gg to sch one day with tons of colourful star clips on my head.. mi zai tot i was crazy..hahah..and well, i couldnt find all of them when i removed it..so some of my hair came out with the removal of the clips..haha...i rmb the sea carnival..when jie wei, wai lay, kain wai and me formed the ultimate mini dragon boat team.. hahaha...all the sea sports guys..and me..well, i was incharge of making a streamed-line shape at the front of the kayak..hahahah..was hilarious.. i rmb taking part in the "amazing race" thingie with my kor, his 2 frens and jie wei..haha...rmb i wanted to gave up kayaking but jie wei scolded/screamed/yelled at me till we finished the course...i rmb sometimes when i was upset and having a free period..i'd msg dajie and co..and well..they'll sometimes all reply at the same time..and just make me feel so loved..hahah..i noe i wasnt spending tons of time with dage they all cos we ended up in diff classes but we were close..i also rmb how ade burnt the hair on her arm when we attended some microbio course...that's where i learnt all abt germs and viruses...haha..i rmb my bio was terrible and everyone helped..was really fun to do bio with all of u guys..

and flashback to sec sch.. girl guideys.. we alwiz kena bishi by the other uniformed groups cos they tot we were bimbotic and lousy..but we alwiz stood up for ourselves and actually tried v hard to prove ourselves..guiding was tons of fun..i loved camping though i could nv really slp on the cold, wet, hard floor of the tent..we loved footdrills..our batch was like mad abt it la..hahah..we happily did our own drills..hahah..we sang stupid songs, danced stupid dances..thinkwe cheorographed almost the whole of N'SYNC's album...the one with bye, bye, bye and all..hahaha...all the campfires we went to...i rmb we were so excited abt some and forced to go to others..haha..den there was also the funny stuff where we transformed into tai tais..ahahha...or rather "lan du gui"...so funny when our guides were doing their activities, we would be hanging out in our room playing cards...or mahjong..(the card version of cos...the real tiles were too noisy and too heavy) ahahha...so fun..rmb scolding our guides telling them tt they had no sense of urgency(SOU).. i miss sec sch life cos it was fun/funny/happy...i rmb i used to jump into puddles with vonzie and linziebinzie just cos it was fun and i loved the rain and i loved puddles...and i also rmb the dirty old man tt approached me while i was on my way home..i wasnt exactly scared..just so angry i sould have kicked him off his bike...sicko..

so many good days..so many memories..so many photos...shall find sometime to arrange my photo album...haha..wish i could just call everyone out and catch up...just sit and chill and not hurry anywhere...yeah, tt'd be nice...

disappointed

hmm...i like some parts of my bdae but am so disappointed with some..sigh..was prepared to get a adidas jacket tt i really liked... was white and pink and u noe...it's like super nice lo.. saw it after my last exam paper...patiently waited till my bdae to find out tt it's sold out... well, they dun have it in the stores i checked la... (heeren, taka, city link, suntec, tm) like SIGHHHHHH..... it's just a jacket..why is the whole world buying it! roar.... gimme gimme gimme!! was really disappointed cos i was geared up for it ma... guess nx time i shant even want any bdae prezzies..so i can be plesantly surprised at anything..haha.. i dunno..bdae itself..me and him went to eat a buffet till we burst la.. ate for like 2.5hrs? and we were supposed to be dieting! hahah... ah well... and he brought me to eat Ben & Jerrys at suntec!!!!!! the whole atmosphere was v much like a scene frm charlie and the choc factory la..it's all so colourful..so happy..so amazing..tt cheered me up a lot.. =)))))) love ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!

and just today..i happily trooped down to metro at tamp just to see if they have a tommy hilfiger perfume promotion package... cos it's a pack of 2 bottles and it's called naughty and nice or sth like tt...one [perfume is sheer and one is glittery!!!!!!!! like how much more girly can it get right..sigh..but i cant find it anywhere!!!!!!!! hopes dashed once again.... SIGGGHHHHHH....

*shriek* i went to re-check the mag i saw the tommy thingie in...hahahha...and the promo says the stuff actually comes from 25nov onwards...thus they dun have it now...tada..wad a perfect answer to my probs...actually i think the only pull for tt promo is the glittery bits...cos well, it's actually tommy girl perfume..which i have...though i like it....... but i wanna smell like sth else...hmm....

i'm really really bored...dunno how to solve certain things...bothered but pretending not to be... bleah

just when i tot things dun get any sadder tonight

mood: over sensitive..sometimes..i'm just oversensitive...to u: u might think u're just talking to me nicely.. to me: u're shouting at me..might not be all out shouting but just talking in a louder way and giving off a hostile vibe.. to u: u think i'm just throwing a tantrum and being difficult.. methinks: why dun u understd how i'm feeling/ why cant u tell i'm not feeling so happy?

am i just dying for attention? do i complain too much? am i v difficult to get along with? or am i just plain petty? *sigh*

well i dun feel like crying all the time but lonely nights like these do bring tears to my eyes..sigh..wad would i do when u enlist? feel like calling u up and telling u how bad i feel but u just want me to go slp cos i've a super long day tml.. feel like just gg up to u just so i can feel loved..why m i so desperate for love? why do i crave so much attention..hate it when i get this way... =(((((((

in a strange mood

wanna blog abt my job...wanna blog abt some strange stirrings inside of me... happier stuff first...perhaps after the happier stuff i wun blog abt weird stuff le..ah well..

actually bloggin abt my job isnt exactly tt happy leh..heh... well..my job's satisfying when i'm well appreciated..but when things are moving really slowly...time passes like a snail...but just the other day someone said i was pretty!!! wahahhahaha!!! dun worry..it aint some hum sup chiko peh but some nice s'porean auntie..hahah...and there was some aussie guy tt wanted to take a photo of me and my booth thinking tt i match the colour of my booth and stuff... i realised sth.. aussies like to say " YEAH?" in a really loud and surprised voice...they're not rude or like sacarstic but it's just funny to hear tt..hahaha.. it's like "we're giving a free bag with every 2 bottles.." "YEAH?!" ahahhaha....and i get affected by ppl's accent..some british will come to me asking for 'port'.. i think it's sth like sherry..it's just beside my booth..den they'll give the classic brit accent and i follow.. the indians...well...i try not to follow them..the india indians are really hard to understd actually..sometimes the ang mohs also..i just refer them to other ppl..haha..

well work is actually v super tiring..esp when u're packing all those bags of liquor..it's v superly duperly heavy can..and to stand for almost 8 hrs is really no joke hor..i can just heigu standing ard...sigh...but sales has been not too bad la..it's picking up..friday was a really busy day..it felt like i just packed the bottles den not too long after i need to pack em again cos they're all sold sold sold!but i feel quite happy when i sell them..haha..it's really satisfying..esp if ppl buy the more ex one..

ok...i'm still in the mood to write some rubbish.. heh

u noe, sometimes i jus feel friendless...i see ppl's pics on blogs or wad not..it's like more often than not they have a pic whereby it's just them and their best fren..just the 2 of them.. and i nv get to be in those pics.. i cant help but feel left out..it's sad u noe..but there's no one to blame for it right? no one but myself..my own fault tt i dun find frens and stick to them..and i dunno..maybe it's cos i'm a really passive person..hmm... i noe..my guy is one of my bestest buds liao but some times u cant help but really need a gal pal..most of my frens are so far far away from me i dunno how they can help in time..sigh..dunno how to feel..somehow feel my relationships with ppl are so forced or so fake sometimes..i noe i'm pretty much a joker.. i hide behind diff funny faces/expressions/jokes..sometimes i'm scared of ppl..well, i'm pretty much scared of rowdy ppl..mostly those v tall and big sized guys..but i'm also scared of ppl..i observe ppl behind my diff faces..i just tell a joke and watch them share it with the others or sth..watch them laugh tog..watch them slap each other on the arm..and den sometimes i think to myself..if i get into an accident of sorts..who will my mama call..will she even noe which fren to notify? and for those tt come to visit..how well do they noe me? did they come out of concern for me as a normal human being would? u noe if we knew someone was ill, we'd visit them..but how often do u go becos the patient is ur bestest bud and u're genuinely concerned cos they're ur bestest bud..

if i died i'm quite sure ppl will come cos they knew me once.. if my wake was for 3 days..they will prob come once..just for formalities' sake. and well, tt's plain sad. how many ppl seriously can truly say they knew me me me? if given a situation and asked to predict wad i'd do..how many ppl will be able to guess my reaction correctly?

well..i have lots of frens..but just how many can i truly call my 知己? suddenly feel quite sad..i look thru my folders of pics..sure i have tons of frens..really a lot..ppl think i'm sociable..making frens wherever i go...but i dun like it noe? i just make frens sometimes cos i need to survive and being friendless is plain sad. =o(

boy do i feel like crying

feeling a bit dowwwwwnnnn

1st day of work..pretty screwed up..many glitches..but had fun selling..till i realised i cant smile sincerely anymore and tt my cheeks ache frm all the fake smiles... and i realised i'm sounding like a broken record...just changing a few words here and there though..

"hi sir, can i interest u in some whisky?"
"hi ma'am, would u like to buy some whisky?"
"whisky for u sir?"

well..most of it ends off with.. "we're having a promo.........." my voice trails off as the customers breeze past me without a 2nd glance...tiring day...trying day...so stoned..slpt so lil ytd and stood for so long...had a gross paper cut within my first 10mins of my new job..haha...the manager said nvm..it's hong2 yun4 dang1 tou2...i.e. i'm in luck... well..whoopeee... -_-'''

roar....................and fall aslp....

dunno why but i'm just feeling unloved recently..v highly sensitive to words too..tendency to take it the wrong way..takes me so long to bring myself out of the ditch to smile and all but when my 'effort' aint reciprocated..the feeling totally sucks... hmm.....

so nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

acccck~~~~~~! i'm starting work tml but i'm really scared shitless....was practising my sales pitch den i realised i dunno how to go abt doing it....i stammer and stammer den i forgot my promotion! bad bad bad....den i forgot the lucky draw thingie...ahhhhh....

"hi, we're currently having a promotion on yadayada. if u buy 2 bottles of yadayadayada u get to get a sports bag and also enter our lucky draw. wad sports do u like sir? (yadayada) well arent u in luck! the winners for our lucky draw will get to go on a trip to watch the fav sports live. we'll have winners to watch the soccer (i forgot wad league of soccer le..shucks), cricket, golf and (ah!!!! i forgot wad...!!!oh....!) tennis......yadayada..."

*note to self: get client to play game while i pack? or get them to play b4 they leave..

"oh and sir would u like to play a game? (<-----oh yucks...how do u ever phrase tt properly?) sir b4 u go, would u like to play our yadayada game? if u can score 1000pts and above, u'll get to key in ur particulars and every wk we'll pick a winner. the winner gets a free yadayada.. don't worry. no matter which part of the world u'll be in, u will still recieve ur prize as long as u leave ur contacts with us. *beams*"

omg.........will my sales pitch work...i feel like i'll do an ally mcbeal..haha...like for ex...i'll talk to my customers and keep replaying all the diff possible scenarios...ahhhh! dun lemme sia suay!!!! dun let my boss scold me!!!

*beam grace beam!!!! smile a mega watt smile...look awake! stifle ur yawns! be brave! talk loudly! look confident! smoke thru!!!!!!!!*

boy do i need help.................................

hols hols hols

yay! it's the long awaited hols! hahah..so happy..feel more relaxed...
i can finally....

• watch tv without feeling guilty
• go out of my hse and not have to bring any notes with me
• take my own sweet time doing everything
• read FICTION ( i like fictional books...so there!)
• pack away my notes and thus have a (hopefully) clean and neat bedroom
• slack like no one's business
• wake up at unearthly times and not have to rush to sch
• bum ard!

feel relieved it's after exams....pheww......but feel bit bored..hahaha...no bling bling and not much u can do...

oh oh oh...it's my fren's 21st bdae tml! so exciting..n i'm finally getting my brushes and paints out to do some craft finally....hahah..not much ideas though...hmm..this is bad... still rmb a time whereby i made gifts for fun..heh..i even wanted to make them to sell..ha...but i've no proof of my crafts..my fav happen to be mi zai's gift..spent a lot of time doing it oh...but no pic to proof..sigh..i have soooooooooo many bottles of paint la...i love all the colours and stuff..hahahah..love to think of myself as 'creative' although.........i'm not much of an artist..can tell whether a line is straight anot..cant draw straight lines even with a ruler..can draw pics for nuts..limited drawings i can do..ideas i have.but i need to draw and paint them..my art seems to be stuck at the primary one type...hahhaa..oh well..

hop ard hop ard have u seen this leg of mine? bah..i'm bored...and literally waiting for the paint to dry..

One last paper, one last breath

yay yay yay yay!!!!! one more paper to go before i can pack away all those notes..roar....the exams papers have been tough..most of us are just hoping for a pass..hahah...there goes our GPA... tis been such a tiring semester..brain drained la...hope nx sem will be better..but we'll be cramming all our studies into 7wks of sch....after which we'll be gg out for clinicals for 5 wks...den we'll come back for exams and go out on another 5-wks block clinicals...hiong ah!!!!!!

nth much to write now...except....i so wanna go on a holiday..hope things are settle asap..den i wun have to think so much abt the trip le...rooarr... poke everyone in the eyes... *run away*