update!!!

i forgot to update on my accomodation...heee...

so blessed i cant contain it! heeeeeeeeee! grin from ear to ear to ear to ear!

was actually offered a place in hostel..but have been hearing horror stories abt hostel life over there...plus the hostel's likely to chalk up extra expenses cos u gotta pay for linen (bedsheet, comforter, pillow) and also need to pay for using the recreational facilities inside...and if ur utilities bill exceeds that of the pre-set price..u gotta split the bill amongst ur flatmates...

den shiya (one of the girls i'm gg with...same batch, different class..i.e. not tt close) had a contact for her distant aunt over there..she's gg to stay with a cousin u see...anyway, i called this lady up...long distant call all the way to australia oh! kena her voicemail twice somemore..with heart a-pounding, i spoke to her and asked her almost everything...hahha...by the end of the conversatin, i could hardly stop smiling and was alr bouncing abt my room! hahah...

well..it's like this..she's offering her room at AUD120 per wk...sch hostel is AUD122 per wk..this lady has 3 rooms...she stays in one, one couple stays in another and she has one room to let. her son stays just next door and he also has one room to let. the couple tt stays with this lady...the husband works on an oil rig so he's usually not home..so it'll be mainly a girly environment..as for this auntie's son..he stays with his wife n 3kids..aged 7, 5 and 2...their room will have a private toilet attached to it though.. anyway the auntie seems really nice..she was like..for FIRST DAY OF SCH, i'll dirve u down and show u ard and show u where n how to take the bus back..ha! macham pri sch! and she says she's not v particular if we wanna kope a bit of her leftovers..heee...but if we want her to cook all meals and stuff, the rent will be AUD170per wk instead.. and then i just had to ask her abt HOUSEWORK..hahah... as u all noe..i'm hardly the domestic type..hahah.. so she SAYS dont worry abt hsework..i'll do all the cleaning for u..u just have to wash ur own clothes..but if u can't wash ur own clothes i can help u wash..with a washing machine, it's really easy! can u imagine how absolutely elated i was to hear that..tt woman must be God-sent! hahaha...and den she says...when u come here u're just like family..so u dun have to hide in ur room all day after school..come out..watch some tv..play some music if u want..and she ADDED...i've my own SWIMMING POOL and garden and my son has his own SWIMMING POOL and garden as well.. no words can describe how i felt when i heard that k! thot bubbles immed pops out...and i can simply imagine nua-ing in paradise...beside a fantabulous pool on a hot SUMMER day...(finally can experience seasonal changes) woweeeee!!!!!!!! superabundent blessings man! this is indeed the grace of God..undeserved, unmerited favour...

tt conversation really left me speechless..was so grateful..felt so loved..

and one last blessing on top of blessing was...u noe how if u take up space in the hostel u still have to pay a fee....well in Aus, the hostel expects us to pay the ful amt...AUD122 per wk even if we're physically not in the room.. however, this auntie i spoke to..she said that if we're gg for a short break like 2-3wks...she WON'T CHARGE us at all!!!!! but if we're gg forfew mths..she'll charge half the rental fee la.. and and and...her hse is located within walking distance from a shopping centre and is 10mins drive from school..she says it's too far to walk and may take ard 20mins on bicycle..and den she adds that we can prolly buy a car for 2-3k in Aus....soooooo tempting right..hahah...we'll see how den..but really blessings upon blessings upon blessings..

was at first quite worried abt swimming test..cos saw this really strict and crazy tester b4..den we got George for our swim test prep lessons so tot can't be him...den was praying like crazy cos not v confident abt lifesaving...and then...dang dang dang dang...it's GEORGE! hahaha...happy happy happy...

updates!

Settled my airticket le..

i'll be flying off on the 9th feb '08...flight's at 9am...

now i need to settle my student visa! i noe...it's v v late le..but simply didnt have the time to go down...almost done le..left the stupiakz health check up to go to..

tml is our lifesavings test le...we got George as tester...shouldn't be too bad...! yay...blessed blessed..=)

hopefully i get to go for first aid course with wan xuan...cos i'm a tad late in the registration..hopefully they take in an extra student!

once work contract ends...will need to start packing...and hopefully can hunt for some easy peasy part time job..heheheheheh....gggaaahhh..i'm such a terrible packer! oh the mounds of clothes and books!! *moans in despair* clothes are gg to be a big headache... need to bring enuf but wad is enuf? dun really wanna spend too much money over there...but SURE will spend money de! hahah! and the shoes!!! *gasp* will bring one pair of heels and flats and trekshoes and beachy slippers and gg out slippers...shld i bring my boots/ or just buy there? shld i bring one more pair of heels? wad abt make up?! hahh...make up not so bad cos i aint got a lot..but wad abt accessories?! eek..the thot of packing is driving me nuts! *faint*

totally having mixed feelings for school! on one hand...gg over, experiencing new things, new cultures..are alwiz wad i've been admiring my frens for..now finally my turn.. but the thot of leaving..leaving everything behind...leaving everyone behind..wad a harrowing thot.. i won't get to msg anyone here as and when i like/want to..Thank God for msn/ skype tho..i cant imagine having to uproot and head over to the down under for 1.5YEARS! sighhhhhh....my dearest, my bed, my family, my hometown, my room! =S shall not brood over such things till the time comes..bleah... will pray for everything to go smoothly like it should..lallalala....

Have u ever heard? Have u seen?

Ye zi by ah sang..erjie sent the song to me a loooong time ago i think..tt day i went to sing ktv with dj and i happened to pick this song...and....WHY DIDNT ANYONE WARN ME THE MTV IS SO SAD! roars...me n dj were like...ahhhhhh! the impact of the song's not there till u watch the mtv man...sad to the max..

oh oh oh..on a lighter, cheerier note...have u watched enchanted?! if u love disney cartoons esp the princess ones...u have absolutely gotta watch it! it's sobimbotically fluffy and nice and sweet..hahhah...i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss! lalalalla!!!

２２nd bday at Honjin

Honjin, honjin, what a sedap eatery! hahaha...located at Chow Hse, somewhere opposite CPF building.. it's superly duperly nice! hahaha..not everything though but the tepanyaki things were good..think salmon, think grilled eel, grilled butter juicy, succulent prawns!UOB was having promotions for bday stuff so it was a 3pay-1 dines free scheme! so happily we went...xl, jo, yuan n me..

oh-so-bored

realised i've totally neglected my bloggy.. hehe..anyway..5 more wks to the end of my contract.. i can hardly wait..really wonder like how come i'm so eager to end work? it's only like the beginning of my career so to speak la..

anyway..today's the 1st dec...sadz..my absolutely fav bday mth is over.. but dec means hols and prezzies galore..hahah.spread the love!

well..i had a peaceful bday this yr..spent it at work..yikes...but the following day i spent it with dajie...whose cousin is actually my colleague!!!! *thunder lightning in the backgrd* hahah...almost couldnt spend tt half day with dj but den almost couldnt go due to some unforseen hiccups at work...thank God for nice seniors..i think the fact tt i told them i'm meeting my long lost fren helped..heee...well me n dj went to sing k tog..hhahaha..2 of us for 3 hrs...shiok man...seriously cant rmb wad we ate for dinner le but i superly duperly loved the singing session.. so one more person noes tt i really cant sing w/o singing along with the actual singer..hahah..spoiler but my voice simply squeaks by itself..and den..dj bot me an organizer for bday! yay! superly love it..the thot of having to keep it till 1st jan to write in it was like killing me till i flipped the pages and..tada! saw tt the dairy acftually starts from october 2007 till dec 2008! wahahhhaha..so have been writing in it le!

and by some freak chance i met gerald on the train...this guy msged me a bday greeting just the day b4 and den i met him on the train on my way to swim... *smacks head* havent seen him in like...almost exactly one yr!

rraahhh...i'm so random tt i forgot what i've wrote and wad i havent... anyway on my bday itself..i had swimming lessons ma..usu after swimming i wont be having dinner till real late..but at least this time round, yuan bought me to eat crab bee hoon at amk! muahahaha...so happily loved tt day...=)

Lippy

gaaack..wanted to buy this from online..lemonade flavour love-a-lot bear lip balm..=( but too late! sold out..rraaahhh in any case, if u see it anywhere...lemme noe pls!

Muahahahahah

	Minimal: You would most likely not get caught, but if you did, it would be due to technological developments arising after the case had gone cold.
from QuizGalaxy.com

Define Me

Grace Koh -- [noun]: A person who is constantly high 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Have You Seen This Doraemon?

I simply love this doraemon!! it belongs to one of my seniors at work..sighh...wish i could kope it..wahahahahha...

packing list for perth

so excited about thinkin of gg to perth..have a million and one things to do beforehand.. i think this yr's birthday wish list will consist of WEBCAM, international calling cards AND aussie dollars..haha..

hmm..the bimbo in me is asking..if i were to go australia...what clothes would i bring? what shoes to bring? what bags to bring? accessories?? tt'd be a WHOLE lotta things..drats..plus i gotta bring my refrence bks and stationary and i dunno-what-else..

sighhhhh..i cant even get started to pack my own room..bah!

My Birthdate

Your Birthdate: November 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

So not true leh..i'm not suspiscious of others..i'm not a loner..i didnt have such a tough life and certainly didnt grow up v fast..*whines and pouts*

in all my unhappiness

i used to write sad little lonely stuff in a notebook of mine..things i tot were poetic..thots i found expressive..trying to be cool..trying to be 'deep'..these things keep resurfacing whenever i feel sad and alone.. well..dunno what's gotten into me..seems super emotional.. just so frustrated..questioning love... it's weird..i alwiz have this eternal struggle with equality.. if 2 persons are in love.. one makes one angry by not doin sth... sth simple.. who loves who less? if you're A and you didnt do tt sth B asks for..do u love B? if you're B and A didnt do wad you asked for cos of personal reasons..can you get angry with A? if you do, does it make u less underastding? does it mean you love A less? dunno if anyone can get the gibberish not..

i'm just so frustrated..so angry..so grumpy..need to be alone but dun wanna be alone.. wanna think think think but so tired of having to think rationally..is this the trying period? so many whys to ask..so many things to get angry about..just so angry..with myself and with everyone..simply disappointed in us..

stop crying grace cos tears nv did make anything better..tears just evokes sympathy..you're not asking for sympathy..tears are just so useless so powerless..what's there to cry for?

my brain's screaming screaming screaming.. why is there this ache deep in my heart..why is there this odd feeling of despair..why am i so troubled..what is the source? is it u? is it just me? is it even anyone's fault?

guess i ran out of steam..am i just being a drama queen? i have got to be the toughest cookie to live with..someone shld just eat me up

in all my randomness

me trying to blog down all my worries and frustrations..haha..sitting here with an itchy nose, sore throat and contemplating abt getting an mc frm work tml.. feel tt my nose is gonna drop off or sth..the way it itches..roars..

anyway as the prospect of flyng off to the land of Oz draws near, i'm soo getting cold feet. like..what will i eat? what will i wear? (for awhile it reminds me of..if He clothed the lilies of the valley, if He fed the birds up in the sky..how much more He'd give to me..how much more His love for me..Love my dear Jesus so much..) me...someone who cant cook anything tt requires oil..ha! someone who can't differentiate cotton and rayon and what shrinks and what not..eeeeeeeeekz! freaking out...

really wondering what will happen when i leave..i betcha i'll be bawling my eyes out at the airport..and den again on the plane..and den again in Australia..SIGH..shall not think so much..

well, as for work wise..2months down..5more to go! whoopee! it's really huh for me to be thinking tt way..cos..i'm gg to study to add value to my work and i cant wait till i finish my contract? haha..weird man..i gotta endure bit more! once i gain sufficient exp and sufficient moolah.i'm so gg to open my own place..really wanna work with kids..want it to be a happy place! hope tt i won't forget why i wanna set it up in the first place and tumble down the path of greediness and money making schemes..haha...dunno la..prolly spouting rubbish..maybe i shld do part time at gymboree or tumble tots first..den can see if i like working with kids..or if my idea to fuse both needy kids and so called normal kids together in the same environment is feasible not..much as kids are innocent and cutesy and all, they're still not tt immune to prejudices and kids can be so honestly mean..plus there's their parents to contend with..bahh..

i aint feeling so good as to head to work..itchy nose itchy throat itchy ears.. nv noe when u're gg to sneeze and cough..i think sometimes when working..it's not abt how well u can tahan it..sometimes it's abt image too..as a healthcare provider..i wouldnt trust u if u came in sneezing and looking worse off than me..for ex, if u're gp having flu..will u there to see him?haha..i'd be quite turn off even tho i noe tt gps are also human and they do fall ill..second thing is tt..with low immunity, working in a hospital is risky..u'll nv noe what germs may be lurking..hee..maybe those are just excuses..maybe i'm actually fit for duty..pout..dunch like ma..

got it got it got it

ring ring ring....hey grace, good news for u...u got the offer from Curtin...

whoohooo....best news tt my agent got for me..heh..anyway so it means i'll be off to perth this coming feb... school supposedly starts on feb 18...i'm supposed to be there 1wk earlier for orientation..the more i think abt the moolah and the accomodation and the arrangements, the more i feel like gg into stoning mode..

anyway it's hectic hectic hectic stuff here in singapore.. mad rush for places in aus schools..crazy rush again to get all the things ready for school...for curtin i need a life savers bronze medal at least, plus a seniors first aid course with CPR..sigh...

but i'm excited..to be staying in either apartments or hostels..to be studying in super different environments... all the seniors at work are like..go n don't come back! stay there n work! hahah...and then they're all green with envy...haha..quite funny..

oh wells..i'm wishing everyone all the best in their mad rush to secure their future..jia u everyone..let's hop into the adult world with hopes high and optimism overflowing! haha..we're after all young enough to make mistakes and get away with it..haha

Pictures from the past...not so past though..

Really gross looking yet really nice sotong sausage! the normal sausage sausage was even better... it's still attached to a rib..roasted to perfection..juicy..succulent..sweet...MEAT!



if u like mushrooms u will definitely like this...creamy buttery taste of mushrooms...grilled to all juiciness..



the LiYiBingDian...where all ur taiyang bing (Sun Biscuits) and huangli su (Pineapple thingie) fantasies come true!



high high into the sky!



yummi-liscious peanut shaved ice! tastes like peanut butter ice cream lo..super creamy..almost like the real thing!



Mua favourito! Mr Doughnut! super bagus...simply sedap! hahaha...some butter crunch thingie was super sinfully yummy!

updates on life

haha...has been super busy plus lazy these days.. super tired after work.. me working in the out-pt gym actually so not so energy draining like my friends who have to carry old ah mas and ah peks...so work is like mon-fri..830 to 530..outpt doesnt drag so much unlike inpt but still v tiring to see pts non-stop..haha..we're all living for the wkends..

anyway, cgh's been pretty fun..the ppl are really quite nice and friendly..but den they try to make us bond by throwing us to play games like floorball and captain's ball..hahah.. so my team actually did win the floorball game...don't ever look down on the customer service staff...they're really aggressive and wad not..kinda scary..haha..cannot imagine how will our captain's ball match against them be..yikes..

omg..jia u jin shun is making me cry..so sad..hahah...

anyway in all the randomness, i feel so relieved to have gotten my first pay! hahah..but i'm slightly puzzled as to like how do i return money to my papa's cpf..do i have to externally write a cheque or sth or is it auto deducting frm my pay? oh wellz..

i'm so counting down till the days i end my contract..and then i'm wondering wad next..hopefully i'll be gg off to curtin.. once u start work u can really understd why some ppl don't mind staying home...hahha..me really wanna be a chao bimbo suddenly..no responsibilities...no protocols!! hahaha...work was really ugh in the 1st wk especially..like the first few pts..u feel so off seeing them...den so slow..cannot reach quota..cannot get right diagnosis..i'm still in the student mindset..wanna ask my seniors like how and wad to do for this n that.. slowly weaning off it..den u feel v shiok to have the "power" to decide..but WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY! sigh..mz make sure u're safe n treat pts well.. sigh..



one of my fav pics frm taiwan taiwan '07



super like it tt we're posing so nicely for the camera



he's trying to kill me! pooooiiissssooon!

back frm taiwan, gg to redang

i'm back! hahah...went mad in taiwan..but it was pretty good..even went to some theme park! went to the hot springs too! and the yang ming shan...still like taiwan pretty much cos no matter where u eat at...the food is good! n this time with jo's frens bringing us to some places (eg. tai zhong)...it was quite cool..well..pics will have to come when i'm back frm redang i suppose..kinda lazy now..anywayz..i'll prolly be back on fri morn..not sure...might come back earlier..suppose it depends on the girls..heh..

by the way....i got a job...yay yay yippeee..at cgh though...oh wellz...at least it's near..n before all of u give eeked out faces...cgh physio aint tt bad la..in fact the sports side is pretty gd..no idea where i'll be posted to though..just yearning to gain some clinical experience...glad tt they're pretty flexible in letting me choose how many mths a contract i want.ahah...had some trouble calculating 6, 7 and 8mths..hahah...so basically i'll end work on 4th jan 2008...if i'm gg overseas for sch den i'm gg..if not..i might see if they wanna renew my contract or i hafta piao elsewhere...well, it's all planned by God so i'm fine with wherever cos i noe i'll be blessed eh...=)

i'm pretty hyped over work..cos i've quite a few frens there as well..mainly frm my class somemore..yay! n i've got ping!!! hahah...happy me...plus cgh is quite near so i suppose travelling time is way lesser than anywhere else..heh..but once i noe which department i'll be posted to..i suppose it's time to hit the books again..hope it's super different frm clinicals..but den i have v little acute hospital clinical experience..oh well..all in God's hands...no worries! =)

ooohwaaahooohwaaaah

was transferring photos frm the camera to the com...to make space for tons more pics...wahahha..

vonzie i'm gg taipei on 4th - 9th may!!! maybe can see u there!!! will be staying at a hostel again..taiwanmex..heard it's near the kmall, near the jappy shopping centre...which reminds me of the ji pa and the sushi...how much was it ah? i cant rmb wor..n i think this time round i might be gg a few other places...cos jo has got frens in taipei who might be bringing us round...wheee!

i'm still at it for fyp...rraaahhhzz....

1 more week...1 week later...i will be... FREE! i would nv have to come back to sch again..unless to get my cert i think..yes yes yes yes yes!

1 week, 1 more day...i will be on the plane...all my bags are packed and i'm ready to go..i'm leaving on a jet plane..don't noe when i'll be back again..leaving on a jet plane...

I ABSOLUTELY CAN'T WAIT!

The Chronicles of FYP

It's been close to a year since we've embarked on this long arduous journey. This unceasing mental torture, this "mind over body" mantra, this experience..much as i would like to say it was all a waste.. it wasn't..much as i would like to rage against the top management..well, actually i would like to rage against them even though this experience has been enriching..think there's still some teenage angst left in me..ha! anyway i tot it was quite a worthwhile experience.. full of arguements and battles with Mr B..filled with large periods of time where night and day has merged..(oh man.this certain word eludes me..can't get it out..having vocab constipation! crap)every step of the way, we wondered, 'why us?' why did B arrow us for publishing?why must he step on our tail? now standing at the near end of the chronicles of fyp (i really can write more but i shan't bore u with irrelevant details), i shall let out a LARGE whoop of joy,"WHOOOOOP!" hahah..is there even such a word to exclaim the immense joy and excitement knowing that we beat FYP..we rock! haha (on the side note: fyp not exactly completed yet..still got final reporting and the viva to do..but one can alwiz count their chickens before they hatch right...it will hatch right?! it will! tell me it will..say it will..say it! say it!)

strange

strange how easy it is to say beautiful things at beutiful times.. but once the beautiful times fade...the words crumble to ashes..you see everything in its clearest sense..you see all things...

strange how easy it is to believe in beautiful things at beautiful times only to feel like a fool when those moments fade..strange how u noe..promises can never be made/hold true..but strange how u still believe..

really wondering about life..wondering about the future again..cynic at the age of 22? doubting the world, doubting every good thing tt might/may happen at this age? is there anyone/anything to blame? or are we all just jaded by experiences..have alwiz wanted my life to be full of experiences.. to be able to live..to be able to feel ALIVE...to be able to have a taste of the world..to be able to experience all there is..but the cynicism kicks in.. without resources (money etc), with restraints (job, family..etc), how can we do tt? is it worth all the trouble? so wad if i've experienced it all? *sigh*

feeling kinda down..oh wellz..

oh, how he sucks

*deep breathe gracie gal*

wad the chao....nnnggghhh...
we change,
we changed,
we can change the world!
but the change is nv enuf for you...
oh how u suck...

*frens are food, not fish* hahaha...i came up with tt when i met dj just now in sch..heeeee...so nice to cya again dj..hahha..miss ya girl..

on a rampage

eyes so small i can hardly open..head so big but info cant get in.. feel so cranky n crabby n hostile..highly strung..m gonna scream if u touch me..need office wear for fyp presentation this sat..need office wear for interview... m really pissed... need to register for anger mgmt classes liao..hear me roar!

to taiwan i go!!!

hahahha...it's soooo qiao...i'm heading to taiwan! from the 4th to the 9th of may...immed straight after my exams....! mt exams end on the 3rd! yay! so happy...gg with yuan and jo..n we're prolly gg to stay in a hostel again...14sgd per night..if all goes well...and hopefully will still have money left over for redang...perhaps can persuade them to go somewhere cheaper..hahah..but redang is fantastic..seriously..it's super nice..but taiwan...was fun fun fun!

really loved the experiences..haha.especially...the train ride..the first train we took..tt we couldnt close the door and tot we had to std in the little corner...hahah.. it was quite sad but exciting la.. and i'll get to see so many doraemon stuff there! yipeee!!!

plus the gd gd gd gd gd fooooooooooood! the mee sua...the ji pa...the white bittergourd juice..the lu3 rou4 fan4...the mua chee..haha..the CUP NOODLES! hahahah...yum yum yummy!

not to mention...shoes galore...! shoes....shoes...shoes...*drool* i like..hahha...i'm so happy...super excited..but but but...feel quite bad..like pang seh my mama...cos she say she wanna go when my dad is away..but i tell her no money n dun wan go n stuff den in the end..."go with boyfren right?" *sigh* my papa gg away for some sch trip ard tt period..which means i left my mama alone! *yikes* but still...wanna travel everywhre...but i badly need a job first...sheesh..

oh....another exciting thing to announce! i've got an unconditional offer for university of south aussie! yay! but i'm sorta still waiting for curtin or sydney uni..as of now..no one i noe is gg there..i'm scared...go all alone..all the way..the adelaide...? http://www.unisa.edu.au/about/campuses/default.asp... if i go..i'll be in the city east campus i think...adelaide is suppposedly cheaper than perth and definitely cheaper than sydney...it's supposed to be a quiet little place..but hmmmmm...me..alone? the big sticky clingy little whiner...ALONE?! but i'm really quite elated to get the UNCONDITIONAL offer..cos my frens which applied earlier so far..only has gotten conditional offers.. so me being the slowpoke latest...managed to sneak a place in! =) thank God man..so i suppose i shldnt worry abt my future liao..not gonna hesitate abt gg SIM..was seriously considering it becos it's cheaper..more practical and nearer home..oh well..now to send out resumes! wait for the slowpoke me!!!

flip side of the coin

well, one thing i feel proud of..or rather..the most creative thing tt flowed out of my drained brain has gotta be this...for women's health...cheers

happy bad mood day <---- oxymoron

feel random bad mood tots flashing by..just gonna type them as they go..in all their randomness, u might find a storyline..ah wellz..

i want u to want to do the dishes----The Breakup...nv been more well put..

teethbrushing with a vengence...if u saw the way i brush my teeth, u would agree with me...once a day is enough..

my worst enemey is myself...actually it's my temper...and then my moods...and my bad habits...but hey, they make up..Me!

i'm the wittiest when i'm angry...i will shoot u back ten thousand times...and ten more thousand times over, just for tt extra kick..if u piss me off...

blog titles and slogans just roll past my head if i'm angry...like really..i can almost see the words forming...oooh...spooky..

i hate to hurt/ anger the ppl i love..yet i noe they're the ones who take it the best..or rather..they'll get pissed too but the bounce right back..

my shoulder hurts..my fingers feels odd..is it the anger? or is it real pain?

feeling the pressure of time..feeling the dead ends of deadlines..feeling angsty..

wonder if i need anger mgmt..feel like breaking things/screaming when i'm in one of my moods..the urges get stronger n stronger... m angry...am frustrated...wonder where's the source...

definitely not pms...tell me where's the source...

crying out for attention? hungry hungry for attention..so...wad will i do with all the attention? i don't noe..

noe for sure i'm kooky...i'm sure u'll noe it too after reading all the bits of random yet not so random bursts of frustrations..just so angry when the weather's hot..

out of steam...

System Going Into Major Meltdown

simply dunno wad to say. turmoil gg on inside of me. like to help but simply dunno how. sense ur insecurities but i have mine too. know it's time to grow up, be responsible, be ur pillar of support. but tell me how. tell me y m i the only one? said tt u're sorry to drag me in. sorry to burden me. i feel as bad as u. but i'm slightly better. i get to be busy. cant stop the tears. no one to hear. the angst, the pain, the fear. mood swings like crazy. just like urs. at a loss. just like u. close the door! lock the room! throw away the key! let me hole up n hide. hide in the safety of my own shadow. flimsy little shield. hold very still. if i pretend all's well, does it become my reality? sleep comes easy. especially if u're sleeping to escape. sleeping to run away to dreamland. sleeping to wake up and face a busy school day.
meltdown initiated..5...4...3...2...1...*boom!*

a life without passion

the time has come. the period of time near graduation. our last semester. the kan cheong-ness is buzzing in the air. everyone is highly strung. assignments, projects, presentations...every wk, all the time..everyone is going crazy. apart from that, the most-asked questions spreads ard the campus like wildfire..where are you going for degree conversion? where have you applied for a job? are you going to work first or study first? i heard that there's a vacancy in... once the commotion quiets down, you start to ask yourself. whatever happened to the PASSION that got us into this course? do we even feel like treating patients or just purely going thru motion? are we studying just for the sake of our degree? to finally hold our head up high in a world whereby a Bachelor of Yada Yada will always thrash a Diploma in Yada Yada? where has all the passion for my studies gone to? will i ever get it back? much as i would like to take my time, slowly pour through my books, understand how the body works to a perfection, this world does not allow me to, for by the time i'm done understanding my work, newer literature comes up, newer technologies are developed, newer skills are mastered. time truly waits for no man. i find myself going thru motion everyday. monday, school at 8am till 5pm..lectures all the way..blah blah blah..interested in lectures? no. copying notes for? in case i need for exam. it's kinda sad since when i entered the course i had great aspirations, important things to do and accomplish. den u start mugging and den u realise that mugging is empty. sigh..everything seems daunting at this point. i feel myself shut down, draw back into my cosy shell of escapism. here i can slack.

A shade of Bak Kwa

i'm unevenly tanned..the sun hates me..the sun is biased towards my right leg...it's fried...it's painful...my back is a mess...the red patches show me exactly which spots i missed putting sun block on..i.e. where my hands can reach...oh man...i'm currently the hottest shade of bak kwa..lobster red doesnt even cut it...this is really bad...wanna take a photo but kinda lazy to..hahah...

my legs my legs...pls pls pls..lemme slp n let this be over by tml..or at least let it spread till it's even...rraahhh...

O.o

aiyah...i feel kinda dumb now...i didnt noe ppl actually posted comments on the blog...den when i finally saw the 21 comments to be moderated...den i realised i have comments..sigh...den i happily just publish them first cos i tot publish le can just read frm the same place..but NOOOOO...i have to manually seive thru my blog now to find comments...rraahhh...

anyway i feel lazy...roar...am really putting on weight...gonna go tanning with von n lin de..but from the looks of it..i think i need to swim liao..and swim like crazy...put on my bikini and somehow...i DONT feel sexy...hahaha..feels more like clumsy/just plain fat..omg...need to start moving my butt..i dont wanna be a couch potato!!!!

hahha...one big reason why i'm the couch potato is...i've found the joy of watching tv serials on the internet! oh man...was watching the ella show...(love it!!! waiting for like episode 14 to come out..=( anyway i think the ch u cut off some parts..so i'm sooooo glad i watched it off the net..heh..) and now watching tokyo juliet..which is by comparison slow like a snail la..slow moving..tons of conflicts btw the lovers..but the best part..i can fwd it when i get bored! hahahah...i think i'm crazy liao..

it's CNY...wanna go bai nian somemore but den got proj meeting after meeting after meetin! wed got meeting..saturday meet again..prolly nx wk will meet again n again..rraahh...meeting nvm but the lateness bit....can girls stop being so crazily late?!?!?! was just telling erjie the other day tt no matter how i try to be late i end up either on time or only slightly late...and even when i'm slightly late..like by 20mins..i'm still the EARLIEST...and the scary part is...my frens are still nt here 30mins past the stipulated time..not even 1hr after do i see them..they happily pop by 2HOURS later...=.= how now to be pissed off? wah...i woke up early...i made the effort to come on time..and den..whole world late.. v angry la..haha.niamed them like crazy..think nx time i can happily arrive super late le.dont care..even when they say properly le dun be late..den end up still late one..cant std la. oohh..now my turn to be late le...! hahaha..tata

p/s i love all the old comments..hahah..*hugs erjie n dajie*

hair blues

the side....the colourful side...(with flash)



the back view...my hair is sooo not straight...pout..



acting jappy...since i have the hair colour, i tot i shld try sth jappy..haha...(this is without flash too..and i dunno why my fringe looks so strange..)



bahhh...dunch like the colour! rraahhh...(the colour's fine without flash)

botched job

oh well, i feel tt my current hair colour is disturbing...too bright..alwiz get a shock when i look at myself in the mirror.. my frens said tt it wasnt tt bad..just v bright..i do wish it was a shade darker..bleah..oh well, shall wait for the colour to fade away...rraahhh...

anyway, the first week of sch rocks..hahah..so many e-learning..but i feel i will cheong the whole semester cos we have endless projects n presentations n assignments to do.. for ALL the yrs in my poly..this is the only sem with soooooooo many presentations can? we keep seeing other frens go for project meetings n yada yada n we've been blessedly slack and suddenly, we're swamped...oh well..

it's quite exciting.. we're gonna graduate soon..the idea of having no more sch hols sucks but den to be able to finally earn money..like a substantial amt...is so overwhelming..den will come taxes, cpf and stuff..hahaha...so wow...welcome to the adult world, gracie.. so surreal as of now..wanted to aplly for a part-time job den i realised..i DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A RESUME! gosh..can anyone like teach me how? wad do i include, wad can i heck, wad shld my expected salary be??? yikes...i think i'm gonna faint...

Snip Snip Snip

i did it..snip snip snip n it all came off..went with djd to try One salon at CS...i dunno wad i feel abt my hair cut..just praying it wont qiao! please remain straight!!!!



THE SIDE



THE BACK



DAH! tt's all la...i shall take more photos when my hair settles down..this is while it's still black..i bot a guava pink dye..it better not turn out like guava fruit punch colour!

A Bimbotic Crossroad

should i cut my hair or shld i not? should i dye my hair or shld i not? to cut or not to cut? rraahh....when i have good hair days i like long hair..when i have really disgusting hair days, i simply wanna snip them all off!!! bleah....pls advise...

http://sg.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/i::220411710

i saw a similar cap for 12bucks..but i dont like the colour! but it's 12bucks!!! and the cutting wise...i think it's similar..shit..feel so tempted cos it's cheap for a cap..but den like scared i buy le dont like...den waste money... just realised i like the squarish type of caps..like those army jockey caps..maybe i shld just kope those..n just put some iron on patch thingie..hmm...

shall not do any work today...wanna slack..have been too stressed...burnt out le..just fri i was gg mad..msg-ing like ej, dj n dear abt how stress i m till i dont even feel like touching pts...*DONT MAKE ME TOUCH THEM!!!* Heh...

me like happily shopping online now..feel like shopping really bad..but need the moolah..hmm...any body noe how to write a proper resume? i wanna apply for some tumbletots job..hahah...play trainer or sth...maybe tt can be part time..cos they want on wkends or sth..

sooo in the cap mood now..heh... vonziiiiieeeee...if u're reading this...can help me see if hk have or not?? hahah...pleaaaseeee?

feels so bimbo again..bahhh

warning...bimbo post ahead!

i love this cap! sigh...i wanna buy caps like these leh...so if anyone sees sth like tt for like super duper dirt cheap..like really dirt cheap..buy one for me please!!!!! i like the khaki/army green one better...heh..


http://sg.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/i:H002%3A%20Fashion%20Vintage%20Cap%20%28gucci%20coach%20bag%20dress%20zara%29:219664698

i saw tt on yahoo auctions btw...but it costs like $33 la!!! so ex right.. =(

i'm home i'm home

now is my afternoon break..i'm supposed to do some readings n prep for my evening patients...hopefully it'll be a super busy nite... busy good..less time for qns..heh...i miss everyone! i miss my bang bang...dunch noe why..mz be the rain making me feel bit blue..=(

God help me

roar!!! i 'failed' my 2nd wk of attachment... feel so bad..like really sucky...like totally loserish...i just simply cant rmb wad qns to ask..wad things to probe more into when i'm doing my assessments on my pts.. den i start to panic... n i keep thinkning on the spot.. my clinical educator (CE) says i cant do tt cos the pt's will have no confidence in me.. den he says tt my handling skills are still raw n pretty much sucks..but hey, i havent been touching MS stuff in ages la...plus even if i prac, i also dunno if it's correct or not..sigh...it's all in all v upsetting..=( have been upset the whole wk..nx wed is like mid-wk assessment le...den i really cannot take it if i fail again..roar... need help help help! =S sigh...

jia u ba gracie...jia u....

u noe he loves u when....

when he's willing to go downstairs n buy food when u're too lazy to! hahah..yuan just popped downstairs to buy me dinner...hahah...happy...all cos i'm hungry n i wanna watch tv n not go down n buy....=) feeling of bliss washes over me... *contented* i smell my food now....

happy new yr

hmm...wad exactly is the big hooha abt the new yr? except for growing older..there's hardly any change..u go to school, meet more or less the same ppl, do the same things...but wad have u accomplished...i cannot think of anything i've really accomplished last yr.. hmm...unless travelling to taiwan counts...haha..actually i was damn happy on that trip..it's like a first all girl trip for me and somemore it's a must-fly-by-plane trip..heh..shows we're growing up. not to mention a trip to kl-genting tt we planned for by ourselves..like seasoned pros, we got the hotel rooms, the coach ticket..=) tt was quite cool..

maybe i should put up a list of stuff i wanna do by the time i'm dead. like stuff i wanna accomplish...like things i wanna try out..let's start the ball rolling..hopefully i can accomplish somethings by this yr.. =P

1. learn diving..(it's a struggle writing this down cos i'm kinda scared to but u only live once and i heard it's awesome! now i need to find frens to dive with..)
2. learn some dance and hopefully loooooose weight thru dancing..hahaha...i wanted to do lindy hop, hip hop and jazz..but den learning sth new..takes money..and a huge chunk of bravery cos if i dont go with a fren...i will be all alone! n i hate being all alone. too self-conscious to be left alone. eeks.
3. lose weight. the ever-constant goal. i dont need to be stick thin. i just would like to fit my bottom into well, most bottoms! plus if i can rid myself of the tummy..it would be perfect. and i wanna swim to lose weight. but where can i go tt is not crowded?=( wanna do some kick-boxing and stuff. but where can i go tt is easy on the pocket? =( me n the girls (omg i suddenly cant rmb who) said tt we wanna joing amore and do kick boxing or some funky classes. heh...djd, dajie, erjie u want?
4. learn how to work a sewing machine and finish sewing tt pillow for yuan! the cross stitch bit is alright but i dunno how to sew seams...yikes~!
5. find other ways than a stable job to earn money.. haha... like maybe set up an online shop or go join a flea market or sth..saw this advert in the papers the other day. Physical play trainer for tumble tots..wanted to apply for it. but forgot to. den gave myself many reasons/excuses why i didnt n shldnt. firstly, i got no time to. when sch starts i have no time to do child stuff. for ex: school is all day round. children like really young children are so lucky tt sch is only a short few hrs. so i dont think i cant squeeze their short few hrs into my timetable cos my timetable doesnt happen to be flexible! roars..
6. get into uni.....praying to go curtin, which is in perth. and if it happens it will only happen nx yr feb cos their course starts in feb. if i'm brave enuf, i would like to work there for awhile. maybe be super happy earning aussie dollars den come back slightly richer. hahah..if the extra money aint spent on shopping yet. heee...
7. overcome some fears..if this list is gonna be stuff i wanna do before i die, den it shld include sth dangerous right? hahah.. ok, how abt overcome my fear for insects!? tt's like...gonna be super hard... cos...i hate things tt move faster than me! esp those creepy crawlies..if it's a slow creepy crawly like a worm or sth..den it's ok...just dont give me cockroaches and beetles!i wonder how m i gonna prove tt i overcome my fear of cockroaches. haha..like eat them? do i have too? =S
8. do sth tt takes my breath away! (to make sure i'm still breathing) the last time was prolly GMax..i was so scared i really couldnt say tt much..hahah..maybe shld go like hk disneyland and take the rollercoasters or sth.
9. learn how to ride a motorcycle. just for kicks. cos i really think tt riding a bike is kinda eeky soemtimes..esp when it rains~!
10. set up a private practice. was thinking of setting one up for tots. but need to get well connected first. hmm..

tt's enough for now bah..the more i write the more dramatic the want-to-do list becomes. haha..den i'll get myself into trouble if i cant do it... roars..

anyway, the BIG diff btw this yr and last yr will prolly be tt I'M GONNA GRADUATE SOON! and tt i will BE FINDING A JOB SOON! tt is like...help~!!!! the panic alarms sounds, all sorts of warning bells are tinkering in my head, heart is racing, ears are pounding, palms are sweaty~! this time round, if a client/pt asks u a qn, u cannot dont answer on the spot cos ur pts trust u. if u act unprofessionally (i.e. go into a state of panic), u are so dead. no one will cover ur ass. if u dont graduate well enuf, u might not get into uni! if u dont hurry n get a job, all the jobs will be snapped up! it's gonna be so chaotic. and this time round, there r no sch hols~! so if u dont like 5days a wk, 9-5pm jobs..goodluck arh..oh well, now tt i let off lotsa steam, i'm gonna thank God for this blessed new yr. the diff btw this yr n last yr is tt this yr will be more blessed than last yr. good things will come in loads and loads. blessings will just rain down and i will just be like..how did this ever happen. all those and much more than i can quantify...will happen..without me working too hard..cos Jesus loves me! wahahhaha!!! =)

In Genting

the 3 guys i went to m'sia with..heh...tt's josh in the black shirt...wait..they're all in black shirts! Guys... *rolls eyes* so josh is the dude looking at me taking the photo..yuan is the one with the big ass funny face..by rule of elimination, u shld noe who is alex..guy in middle...with the cap...and the teeny eyes..hahah


since i made yuan give such a big ass funny face..it's only right tt i give one too..right back at u!

him n me posing in the ktv room...it's alwiz so worth in to sing in m'sia..haha...if u r thick skin enuf, u can even sing waaaaaay past the stipulated time..hahaha...gian beng...


this was a test of physical resistance..pitting humans against nature! hhaha...it was freezing cold outside and it's GENTING...and they bravely stood there without jackets...actually i think alex had a jacket but tt's not the pt..it was v cold! and plus..i love living among clouds... *give an airy fairy smile..looks bimbotic and stoned out...* heh...

the 3 dudes again....alex without his cap...i.e. with FLAT hair...hahahaha...cannot stand it

me n a v reluctaant zhu in the hotel

shall photoblog abt my kl trip soon.... in case i disappeared with no one knowing...i went on a KL-Genting triplike 2wks ago or so..heh..went with yuan and his 2 other army frens. anyway, i just switched to the new blogger den dunno how to use my hello account to upload photos le..so this photoblogging will be painfully slow... =( i dont even noe where to put my shoutbox..ugh

posing for a photo in the coach..

we took causeway link by the way... quite big n comfy... nice..=) but it was like a 12am bus ride...which prolly sped all the way till we reached kl at 3.30 am...JB to KL...3hrs or so.. *shake head* is that fast or wad?