hmm

he tells me i shld overlook the self-percieved probs and just talk to him and be the crappy frens we were before. he makes it sound simple.he acknowledges tt there are probs and tells me he can list them all out and stuff..but he still wants me to talk to him.

me, on my part, have gotten used to not talking to him.not seeing him.not crapping with him. i know crappy days with him were pretty fun. but things change and they cant be unchanged. i cant pretend nth's happened even though i'm supposed to be a pro at tt. it's just too diff this time. cos this time..he was the "enemy". i was on a defensive mode everytime we talked during the turmoil/quarrelling/wadever stage. now i cant help but be on the defensive again when he starts talking to me. how on earth do u pretend nth's happened and to crap again when so much has been changed in our lives? unless he accepts me and him, we won't be able to talk normally ever again. how to crap when we have nth to talk abt anymore. he tells me to tell me abt my day/my frens/those unimportant stuff. but how do i tell him abt my day when my day revolves ard the person i love and whom he doesnt like? how do i tell him abt my frens when he doesnt noe them? he doesnt get it and i have no energy to explain. i dunno why but it's sad tt frenship has become a chore.i wanna talk as per normal but i've forgotten how 'normal' is liao. tt's sad too.

hmm...i think my conclusion is still tt my guy's more impt now..he needs to accept that and accept us.. den we can talk.. but how do i tell him tt when i'm not talking to him? oh well..

i miss my frens

i stupidly went to read colin's blog..in it were pics of my frens..ppl i havent seen in eons..toogees..

i felt so sad when i saw their pics.. ives, kelvin, aug and wad not..i'm so sorry for forcing u to not hang out with them..i'm so sorry.. i miss them so much..but they will nv noe..part of the group..i've alwiz wanted to be a part of some group..try so hard..but for wad..i'm just someone funny..or cute..or one tt makes the most terrible faces..but part of the group group?? i'm just a visitor..sitting in..observing..ha ha. i hate how things worked out..i like being just with u..but i still miss my frens. i'm so sorry..i'm sooooooooo sad.. =(